You May Be A Taliban If:

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least two.
10. You’ve always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

• So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for.
• There are 365 days per year available for work.
• There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.
• Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
• You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.
• With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
• You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave.
• This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work.
• We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.
• We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work.
• There’s no way I’ll let you take that day off!